Catch a Falling Star

BY Claire Wiltshire

Back in the 80s, no star shone brighter than a Top of the Pops pin-up. In those winsome days of unashamed glam, you weren’t quite sure who was a boy and who was a girl and in the end, it didn’t really matter. But for so many pop stars, the dizzying heights of fame they so fleetingly reached became an addiction – well, one of perhaps many – that has carried their celebrity-status ungracefully through the following decades.

Right Round Baby, Right Round Pete Burns of just-about-one-hit wonders Dead Or Alive gave androgyny a piratical edge. These days he just looks plain old freakish. Recently, Burns re-emerged as a reality TV star after exposing personal dramas in an autobiography revealing all about his depression, attempted suicide and ongoing problems with his upper lip. With around a hundred cosmetic procedures behind him, Pete is now suing his surgeon for a million pounds, citing the plastic surgery disaster on his face.

Wake Me Up Before You Go Go The boys from Wham! were hot, with bright smiles, tans and pastel tops. George Michael solo with his five o’clock shadow? Even hotter. But were the legions of ageing female fans shattered when an ‘incident’ in a public toilet outed him years later, or did we see it coming? Michael is out and proud these days, writing songs of devotion for his hot American boyfriend. So what was he doing in Hampstead Heath with a middle-aged lorry driver called Norm? Poor old George can’t seem to keep his seedy personal activities out of the spotlight and has been found stoned and slumped over the wheel of his car on more than one occasion.

Karma Chameleon Boy George recently made headlines amid allegations of chaining up a male escort against his will, but they dulled in comparison to precursory images of a chubby, balding and uncharacteristically makeup-free George sweeping the streets in a bright orange vest. This community service sentence for a “cocaine related incident” followed a call to the cops to report a burglary that never actually happened. On arrival, the local constabulary found a large stash of cocaine – which probably explained the phone call. But true to form, George faces an all-too-familiar public humiliation with bravery and dignity: biting back at criticism with unrivalled witticisms.

Plenty more 80s casualties continue to milk their shame-riddling fame. Check the fabulous biographies of drug-addled and depression ridden stars Steve Strange of Visage, and Kevin Rowland of Dexy’s Midnight Runners, or catch up on the gun-toting loony antics of Adam Ant. Many washed-up one-hit-wonders relive the glory (though often as the butt of the joke) in British “celebrity” shows or on the brilliant music quiz show Never Mind the Buzzcocks. Get YouTube-ing for a laugh at their expense… if you just can’t get enough.